# 28

Funny Fucking Shit Friday...

If you've seen my blog, or read it you know tact and class are words even super trailer park white trash would not use to describe me... So if you're offended easily... wait, what the hell are you doing here. Go find some Jesus blog to read.

Without further... erm adoouu... uh edeww... you get it, right... Here's some Funny (Fucked Up) Fucking Shit.








Ok, really. Breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. So many things wrong with this picture. Not only does it look like my BFF but really? It's like from the 80's and how did it get on the internet now? I know if I was her I'd be pissed. Unless this is some sweet ass party trick and she posted this shit. Then amen sister, you are my new hero... no over here, hey I'm over here...

I just love these little guys. I mean they're so cute and mean and perverted and raunchy and just great... *resists urge to post 18 Cyanide & Happiness comics*

Now here's some parenting I can get with...

Hope you have a wonderful fucking Friday...

# 23

Twenty Ten.

It seems weird, and makes me feel fucking old, that just 10 ten years ago people were all freaked the hell out about Y2k. I remember my parents wouldn't let me leave their side. Makes me think of just how lame that would've been... Mass chaos and I'd be stuck.

It's funny how my brain works. I can remember the lameness of ringing in 2009, and thinking, god I hope I'm not do this all year. I can vaguely remember 2008; house party, board games... yawn, or was that 2007. See. And I can remember being 16 ten years ago about to have a nicotine fit and jonesin for a fix. The years between are kinda lost. I'm pretty sure I was passed out on some one's bathroom floor before the clock stuck 10. That was my life, then.
My life is totally different today, you* might say I've done a 360. As the new year approaches I know we all can't help but reflect on the past and look to the future full of hope and empty promises to ourselves. We remember the resolutions we had last year and the year before and the year before because they're all the same and they never get resolved.

Last year my resolution was not to have any resolutions. It worked.

In order not to be a lazy bum I am going to set some goals for myself. Sure, there's the weight thing and the saving money thing and the be more organized thing but I have some more creative ventures on my mind. I need a little personal growth this year and I'm not talking about my ass.

What are your (anti)resolutions?
Oh hey, there's a new poll up too! Don't forget how important it is to vote...

*by you I mean an idiot. A 360? *shakes head*

# 20

I suck at Christmas. We opened our stockings on Friday. "Christmas is only a week away". We're good at justifying things. One of the only things I did right this year was send out cards and give my family my new address. I didn't tell them I am living with my boyfriend, and we got a new place. I'm a sinner; they probably assume that's the case. My family is so judgemental; they give Christians a bad name. That's all I'm gonna say about Jesus fearing folks.



My car was iced over this morning; it's fucking Texas for fucks sake. My heater is busted and I chose to have Christmas and pay bills rather than fix it. Thank god for seat warmers. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I freeze my vagina off every morning. It's not enough that I couldn't find my scarf and forgot my gloves, but my car feels it's completely necessary to beep at me when the temperature is below 40. The best part is the cute little snowflake that pops up... no fucking shit! It's COLD!


So at a certain point the defroster blowing air at Arctic temperatures doesn't work... My windshield is useless. I used an extra hoodie to wipe it down. I'm that crazy bitch flying down the road straining to see you. It stresses me out; so I light up. This requires me to roll down the window. It gets colder. I sit in traffic, smoke my cigarette, sit on which ever hand feels the most numb and decide it would be a great idea to ash in my lap. Fun. The light changes and I haul ass around some douche bag in a truck and in turn spill my delightfully hot coffee... I'm grateful for the warmth.


And I tell you all this to say that there's a lesson in everything. Sinners are gay, and gays are sinners. I'm not gay. No I don't think that's the point. The point is... I'm a sinner for living with my boyfriend, having pre-marital sex on Sunday morning instead of going to church, therefore God broke my heater and is punishing me by not giving me a raise. There I said it.