# 21

Christmas Eve Eve. Thank god I didn't have any money this year and was done shopping 2 weeks ago. I'm usually one of those crazy bitches running around buying more useless crap for people I only see once a year. Then I'm disappointed when my well thought out, well planned gift, obviously bought from Walgreens and quite possibly torn from a five year old's hands doesn't produce the tears of joy I was expecting.

Christmas used to be fun and I know what happened. First I found out Santa was a big fat lie. Then my greedy ass pretended to believe until I was 11 or 12 so I'd get more presents. Then my parents divorced, score two Christmas'! Wrong, my dad remarried to some gold diggin white trash bar whore and her kids got TV's & CD players. When ended up with fucking mini skirts and coloring books from Family Dollar. No more badass stockings from my mom... Then I moved out on my own and had bills.

Christmas is like sex. I used to shave, shower, brush my teeth, floss and put on clean panties... Now I roll over with morning breath, matted hair and a giant bush.

Okay, not really, but maybe you get the point.

# 20

I suck at Christmas. We opened our stockings on Friday. "Christmas is only a week away". We're good at justifying things. One of the only things I did right this year was send out cards and give my family my new address. I didn't tell them I am living with my boyfriend, and we got a new place. I'm a sinner; they probably assume that's the case. My family is so judgemental; they give Christians a bad name. That's all I'm gonna say about Jesus fearing folks.



My car was iced over this morning; it's fucking Texas for fucks sake. My heater is busted and I chose to have Christmas and pay bills rather than fix it. Thank god for seat warmers. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I freeze my vagina off every morning. It's not enough that I couldn't find my scarf and forgot my gloves, but my car feels it's completely necessary to beep at me when the temperature is below 40. The best part is the cute little snowflake that pops up... no fucking shit! It's COLD!


So at a certain point the defroster blowing air at Arctic temperatures doesn't work... My windshield is useless. I used an extra hoodie to wipe it down. I'm that crazy bitch flying down the road straining to see you. It stresses me out; so I light up. This requires me to roll down the window. It gets colder. I sit in traffic, smoke my cigarette, sit on which ever hand feels the most numb and decide it would be a great idea to ash in my lap. Fun. The light changes and I haul ass around some douche bag in a truck and in turn spill my delightfully hot coffee... I'm grateful for the warmth.


And I tell you all this to say that there's a lesson in everything. Sinners are gay, and gays are sinners. I'm not gay. No I don't think that's the point. The point is... I'm a sinner for living with my boyfriend, having pre-marital sex on Sunday morning instead of going to church, therefore God broke my heater and is punishing me by not giving me a raise. There I said it.

# 19.5

I finished his stocking last night. I picked up one of these little manikin guys and UNO. Oh and some slippers, which were way to big to fit inside*.

Don't mind me as I use this outlet to kill more time and make this a successfully unproductive day...

Go on, put the 'Ho' in Holiday with these nifty Holiday pick up lines that are sure to be a hit at any company Holiday party. That is assuming that your company is having a Holiday party; I mean after all they did freeze your salary, stop matching your 401k and stopped buying coffee for the office*.

• Wanna stuff my stocking?
• How about you slip down my chimney?
• I'm gonna bring joy to your world*
• I have a mistletoe belt.
• I have something for you to unwrap.
• How about some dark meat?
• Want to deck my halls?
• I see you when you're sleeping...
• Is that a candy cane in your pocket? Oh shit... that's sad.
• My vagina smells like Fabreze*

* That's what she said
* Why do I still work here?
* and by world, I mean cock.
* Yes, you're right, that has nothing to do with Christmas.

# 18.5

Ok, so work is slow... sue me for finding awesome shit.

Super Cute Printable Gift Labels from the Black Apple:

I plan on cutting them out, putting them on card stock, punching a hole in said card stock and tying them up with ribbon/raffia/yarn after i hap-hazardly and a bit obsessively wrap it around and around each perfectly wrapped gift. can't wait.

Absolutely Adorable Recycled Homemade Gift Bows from How About Orange:

Just the most perfect DIY project to get me excited about wrapping. I've torn down my calendar at work and already made 2! You could use old magazines, catalogs, sheet music, old books, junk mail, etc. The possibilities are endless! Knock yourself out.

If you're a gift card givin' kind of gal like me; add a special touch and use this Gift Card Holder Pattern from Heather:

Most of all enjoy and feel free to share awesome shit with me :)

# 18

My most absolute favorite part about Christmas are stockings! I like filling them, but I also like getting all those cute little things too. This year I'm having a tough time filling my guy's. So far I've got gloves, socks, a sticker, candy and soap. I've got a book on the way from Amazon, I hope it makes it in time.

Now he's not terribly hard to buy for but I'm having a hard time finding inexpensive small items. He's into fishing, painting and computers. So I was thinking fish hooks, but I don't know what kind. Possibly some paints or brushes. As far as computers are concerned, I better not touch that with a ten foot pole.

So I'm turning to you my dear devoted followers... What are some good stocking stuffers for guys? Any ideas are welcomed. Please for the love of... I'm not to proud to beg. Oh and don't forget to stop on over to your right and vote! Go crazy, I dare ya.

# 17

I'm getting super excited about Christmas and super excited about giving!

What to get the Healthy Green Eco-Friendly Nut:

Organic coffee or tea. I love Starbucks and will find any reason to stop by for a latte, oh yea, and a pound of Organic Yukon Blend for my Nut. They also have Organic Chai Tea Concentrate for the non-coffee drinker.

Reusable Produce Bags from Flip & Tumble and while you're picking up a few for them head over to Real Moms Real Views and enter to win an EcoBag Kit just for you!

Or how about this

lovely little recycled Watermelon Coin Purse found at LaAlicia on Etsy.

Happy Shopping!

# 5

I'm getting excited about Christmas. I should say a little obsessive really. It's gotten a bit cooler here and that always puts me in the mood. Seeing as money is real tight this year; I've been trying to think of some homemade goodness to give this year.

So far I've decided that the lovely ladies in my life will be getting little spa baskets. They will include homemade bath salts, handmade soap from Dee and lotion or a small candle.

I have found small tubes of lavender hand lotion in the travel section at target, for about a dollar. If I can find some small candles on sale or clearance somewhere I'll add those too. Next I'll be looking for small baskets or containers to put everything in. I'm also on the hunt for small jars or bottles to put the salts in.

Peppermint Bath Salts:

• 1 cup of Epsom Salt
• 1 cup of Sea Salt
• 1/4 cup of baking soda
• Peppermint and/or Eucalyptus Essential Oils (6 - 12 drops total)
• Fresh mint or Peppermint Tea

1. Combine Salts and Soda in bowl or Ziploc bag.
2. Add Oils, a few drops at a time, mix.
3. Once you get desired scent, add fresh mint leaves or tea.
4. Pour into jars, label and enjoy.

Lavender Bath Salts:

Same as above but use Lavender Oil and Dried Lavender or Chamomile Tea.

I think these will make nice little gifts and I might just spring for a Massage Envy Gift Card for my Mom, Aunt and Sisters.