# 16

I'm pretending to start another diet. I say pretend because it's just some random shit I decided to do. I'm limiting my carb in-take. Nothing super crazy; I would die if I couldn't have more than 20 carbs. The funny thing is I'm not even sure how many I'm having, or what I used to have. I'm really just eliminating my bread, rice, pasta, sweets, etc... You know all that great yummy shit that I over dose on daily.

I weighed myself yesterday. As most of my loyal readers know, I just moved, but now the scale is not hiding in the closet. Stupid scale. So I stepped on it the other day, and just about fell over... it was too close to the wall. More importantly I'm fat.

I did a pseudo Weight Watchers thingy last year and lost 40 pounds, but it looks like I've put 20 of that back on. What a bummer! I knew it, I could tell... I'm slowly growing out of my pants and having to pull out those fat pants. I've been having to get different size clothes and have been in so much denial... "This brands sizes run funny" C'mon ladies we all know that one.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I would like it to stick and see if I can shed a few pounds. Shedding a few pounds always gets me motivated to exercise. I know working out yields even better results, but I don't want to be in fear of busting the elliptical trainer for exceeding the weight limit.

Right now (it's been a whole day & a half) I'm hooked on low carb tortillas. Ham & cheese, sausage & eggs, hell I even made a pork & feta quesadilla last night. What are some of your favorite low carb foods, recipes or anything really?? I need ideas so this ship doesn't sink so fast.

# 11

As Thanksgiving approaches I can't help but get stressed out... I'm anticipating over-eating and obsessing over which fat jeans to wear, rehearsing to be that perfect little angel so the old folks don't have a heart attack from my behavior, not the gravy and planning my escape route... You act like I'm the only one.

And with that I will leave you with some quotes that really bring tears to my eyes and fill my heart with gratitude:

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." -Irv Kupcinet

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." -Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." -Johnny Carson

And last but not least, the worst Thanksgiving Day Poem... ever:

"Turkey, Turkey"

Turkey, turkey
you're good to eat
Turkey, turkey
I love your meat.
Turkey, turkey
with stuffing.
Turkey, turkey
with gravy.
Turkey, turkey
Thanksgiving!

- Gary R. Hess

Which, with my mind, could put me on Santa's naughty list...