# 19.5

I finished his stocking last night. I picked up one of these little manikin guys and UNO. Oh and some slippers, which were way to big to fit inside*.

Don't mind me as I use this outlet to kill more time and make this a successfully unproductive day...

Go on, put the 'Ho' in Holiday with these nifty Holiday pick up lines that are sure to be a hit at any company Holiday party. That is assuming that your company is having a Holiday party; I mean after all they did freeze your salary, stop matching your 401k and stopped buying coffee for the office*.

• Wanna stuff my stocking?
• How about you slip down my chimney?
• I'm gonna bring joy to your world*
• I have a mistletoe belt.
• I have something for you to unwrap.
• How about some dark meat?
• Want to deck my halls?
• I see you when you're sleeping...
• Is that a candy cane in your pocket? Oh shit... that's sad.
• My vagina smells like Fabreze*

* That's what she said
* Why do I still work here?
* and by world, I mean cock.
* Yes, you're right, that has nothing to do with Christmas.

# 12

Black Friday - Cyber Monday... blah blah blah. The names we've given these days sound really umm politically correct. I'm one of those folks who won't be caught dead anywhere on Black Friday other than my house or a Starbucks. Fuck the holiday rush and these crazy mo-fo's who find it necessary to maul each other over sale prices. I did however do a little cybering today. giggle. Only after my boss said:

"Oh yea, it's Cyber Monday... better not buy anything on-line today, they'll be keeping a close eye on us"

No I'm not defiant... oh well... here's the Etsy goods I got:

From Dee at Barefoot Bath and Body, for gift baskets for the ladies...

must.

actually.

give.

these.

away.

From standard, for me and 2 dear friends... maybe. I'm so selfish.

From the Amazing Tina Carroll, for me, my guy and our new apartment... hello wall of art.

From Flapperdoodle, for me, the guy and the apartment... wall of art.

# 11

As Thanksgiving approaches I can't help but get stressed out... I'm anticipating over-eating and obsessing over which fat jeans to wear, rehearsing to be that perfect little angel so the old folks don't have a heart attack from my behavior, not the gravy and planning my escape route... You act like I'm the only one.

And with that I will leave you with some quotes that really bring tears to my eyes and fill my heart with gratitude:

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." -Irv Kupcinet

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." -Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." -Johnny Carson

And last but not least, the worst Thanksgiving Day Poem... ever:

"Turkey, Turkey"

Turkey, turkey
you're good to eat
Turkey, turkey
I love your meat.
Turkey, turkey
with stuffing.
Turkey, turkey
with gravy.
Turkey, turkey
Thanksgiving!

- Gary R. Hess

Which, with my mind, could put me on Santa's naughty list...

# 8

Oops. I forget I have a blog sometimes. I know all my devoted followers check obsessively for new posts each day, sorry to disappoint.

The day after hump day always leaves me feeling a little worn out, relieved and excited.

I'm worn out from the lack of sleep I've gotten this week. I've laid awake almost night while my mind whores around. From this weekend until the end of the year my calendar is completely full. I don't think I could cram one more thing in if I had too... that sounds dirty, I like it.

I'm relieved that it's almost the weekend. I've been helping plan this Halloween party and I can't wait for it to be over with. Just a few more days. I have in fact changed costume ideas, for the 3rd time, and as of this moment it's up in the air.

I'm mostly excited today; payday is tomorrow and I need groceries. It's sad how excited I get to grocery shop, but when you're fucking Kroger on the regular how could you not be excited.

So there you go, another meaningless post about random shit that doesn't make a difference and only serves to help me pass time.