# 32

Ok, I'm sure you're tired of hearing about my bodily functions and seeing Natalie Dee comics posted. You probably find yourself wondering if I will ever post anything of substance. You wonder why or how you stumbled upon my blog and didn't run away immediately... or even worse, why are you following me? You my dear blog reader should hang your head in shame.

So get used to my bodily functions, everyone in my real life has... and my erratic unhealthy obsessions to random shit on the internet and beyond. After all you are a little part of that.

Speaking of bodily functions... kidding... Yea, so I decided that I would start working out again. It's been about 4 or 5 months since I've been to the gym. And even then, I went once, saw some hot bitch running her ass off on the treadmill, barely breaking a sweat and I said fuck this shit. This time I'm determined. Ok, so determination is not something I have, but maybe there's something lacking in my character that is forcing me to the gym.

Might it be the jealousy? Maybe I'm seeking the approval of someone else. Either way, I'm not gonna complain, I'm back at the gym. Now I just need to work on this eating right stuff.

# 16

I'm pretending to start another diet. I say pretend because it's just some random shit I decided to do. I'm limiting my carb in-take. Nothing super crazy; I would die if I couldn't have more than 20 carbs. The funny thing is I'm not even sure how many I'm having, or what I used to have. I'm really just eliminating my bread, rice, pasta, sweets, etc... You know all that great yummy shit that I over dose on daily.

I weighed myself yesterday. As most of my loyal readers know, I just moved, but now the scale is not hiding in the closet. Stupid scale. So I stepped on it the other day, and just about fell over... it was too close to the wall. More importantly I'm fat.

I did a pseudo Weight Watchers thingy last year and lost 40 pounds, but it looks like I've put 20 of that back on. What a bummer! I knew it, I could tell... I'm slowly growing out of my pants and having to pull out those fat pants. I've been having to get different size clothes and have been in so much denial... "This brands sizes run funny" C'mon ladies we all know that one.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I would like it to stick and see if I can shed a few pounds. Shedding a few pounds always gets me motivated to exercise. I know working out yields even better results, but I don't want to be in fear of busting the elliptical trainer for exceeding the weight limit.

Right now (it's been a whole day & a half) I'm hooked on low carb tortillas. Ham & cheese, sausage & eggs, hell I even made a pork & feta quesadilla last night. What are some of your favorite low carb foods, recipes or anything really?? I need ideas so this ship doesn't sink so fast.

# 11

As Thanksgiving approaches I can't help but get stressed out... I'm anticipating over-eating and obsessing over which fat jeans to wear, rehearsing to be that perfect little angel so the old folks don't have a heart attack from my behavior, not the gravy and planning my escape route... You act like I'm the only one.

And with that I will leave you with some quotes that really bring tears to my eyes and fill my heart with gratitude:

"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." -Irv Kupcinet

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." -Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." -Johnny Carson

And last but not least, the worst Thanksgiving Day Poem... ever:

"Turkey, Turkey"

Turkey, turkey
you're good to eat
Turkey, turkey
I love your meat.
Turkey, turkey
with stuffing.
Turkey, turkey
with gravy.
Turkey, turkey
Thanksgiving!

- Gary R. Hess

Which, with my mind, could put me on Santa's naughty list...

# 9

You know what is more amazing than Fridays? Thursdays that are actually Fridays. Yep. Today is my Friday. I'm going for a little weekend trip with the ladies. I am so damned excited and this day is dragging along... Why is it when there's fun plans ahead the mandatory stuff, like work, feels like it takes twice as long.

Ya know I've had a pretty crazy week... Last weekend's Halloween party went over lovely; I went as a pirate wench. I had lots of help with the decorations and they turned out great.

I've been gathering boxes cause I'm moving in less than a month... eek. And I'm out of town for half this month. I hate packing, but I have sworn up and down that I will not just throw everything into boxes and go. I want to sift through it all and only take what I need. I went through my clothes last night because we're doing a clothes swap this weekend. Why do I still find it difficult to get rid of those too small jeans... I guess we'll call it hope. I'm gonna hope my fatass into those jeans.

Also, my boyfriend was in a wreck. He actually hit a drunk driver... well the drunk ran the red light, so it's not my honey's fault. He is perfectly fine too, which is just nuts if you look at his car. He does have a small scratch on his arm but that's it. So lucky.

Well, this killed 5 minutes...

# 4

Disorganized. That's the story of my life summed up in one word. Sure, there's plenty others, but for now at this time in my life, this is what I am.

I got a new phone last week and somehow my not-so tech savvy self figured out how to send all my contacts to the new phone via bluetooth. Yay me. *pats back* I think I was too busy congratulating myself; I seemed to miss all my calendar events. Who knew I actually relied on a little calendar thingy to remind me what to do. Therefore missing a very important meeting on Sunday... Oh well.

I'm also moving come December. I need to go through my entire place and sell, donate or trash all the crap that moves from place to place with me. Why is it I find it so terribly difficult to get rid of things I don't need. I am seriously that girl with 18 bottles of shampoo, lotions, body wash, etc. that can't even be classified as half full by an optimist.

On top of that, I am also that girl who saves clothes that are 3 times too small. Get that straight, I save them, I don't wear them. I will most likely never wear them. But I do however regret the last time I got rid of those too small clothes. I find myself standing in my closet reminiscing of those one pair of jeans that were so worn in the ass you had to wear a shirt 4 times too big so no one gets a free show. Sure they were falling apart at the seams, but didn't they fit like a glove? (at some point, I'm sure)

I'm just rambling now, so stayed tuned for more meaningless sporadic posts.