# 35

Life. What's the meaning of life. That's not really a question... I don't think. Is it to merely exist or survive? Or is it more? What is the purpose of your life? How did you get here? Why are you here? Boy, I'm full of questions today. I may have a few answers. Yes you lucky eight people who follow me will find out the meaning of life.

I know I exist for one reason. Selfishness. About 26 years ago, two people felt the need to feel extreme euphoria, then the condom broke. So here I sit, having to deal with the fact that my parents at some point had sex. I try to figure out why I am the way I am. Why I have to deal with the consequences of how two people decided I should be raised.

So back to meaning. There's a theory that this supreme being put us here and allowed us to multiply because we're weak and feel loneliness. "I'm lonely... I think I'll stick my dick in her" And so the madness began.

I was watching something, maybe the World's Most Amazing Events or some retardly uninteresting educational show, that goes against everything I was taught. The "amazing events" really got me thinking. There's a purpose for damn near every animal on this planet. Mostly, they serve to feed one another. But some, like Hippos help to irrigate the land. So then what is the purpose of land? Do you see how this gets confusing? Well the land feeds the herbivores and the herbivores feed the carnivores, in some instances the carnivores feed each other. Some are cannibals. So basically every animals purpose is to eat.

So you may ask yourself 2 things: 1. where am I going with all this elementary nonsense and 2. what does this have to do with me. Well, first I'm just trying to show you how smart I am. I can converse with a 6 year old. I know, it's pretty amazing. Second, nothing. Nothing really.

I guess what I don't get is how scientists and biologists and other-ists can stalk animals and figure out their purpose. But when I have a stalker I call the police. Oops, maybe that was a scientist trying to figure out the meaning of my life.

I know the purpose of my life is to be happy. Which still goes back to selfishness. But most people find happiness in material things or other people. Happiness is something I believe is a choice. So if I can choose to be happy and then I don't need you, or food or a car or cute clothes.

Crap. Before I could tell you my theory about life, I just proved it wrong. Right there in those last few sentences. Now I'm even more confused. I'll have to get back to you on the meaning of life.

# 31

Nothing makes me happier than taking a really big shit.



This has been the first installment of...



Random things about yours truly that you could probably go your entire life with out knowing.

# 30

So I'm obsessed with Natalie Dee... like you can't tell. And maybe I'm a little late getting to the party, but whatev. So so so fucking happy it's Friday. Been a busy week, I know you have all missed my mind-blowing posts, just stay on the edge of your seat... I'm sure to disappoint momentarily.

# 29

I've been spending the better half of the day searching random words on Natalie Dee. Go ahead an give it a whirl, you won't regret it.

# 28

Funny Fucking Shit Friday...

If you've seen my blog, or read it you know tact and class are words even super trailer park white trash would not use to describe me... So if you're offended easily... wait, what the hell are you doing here. Go find some Jesus blog to read.

Without further... erm adoouu... uh edeww... you get it, right... Here's some Funny (Fucked Up) Fucking Shit.








Ok, really. Breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. So many things wrong with this picture. Not only does it look like my BFF but really? It's like from the 80's and how did it get on the internet now? I know if I was her I'd be pissed. Unless this is some sweet ass party trick and she posted this shit. Then amen sister, you are my new hero... no over here, hey I'm over here...

I just love these little guys. I mean they're so cute and mean and perverted and raunchy and just great... *resists urge to post 18 Cyanide & Happiness comics*

Now here's some parenting I can get with...

Hope you have a wonderful fucking Friday...

# 26

FutureMe.org

What a great site. You can write letters to your future self. I've been doing it for about a year now and it's amazing how I always tell myself exactly what I need to hear. I got an email from my past self today...

Dear FutureMe,

Hey today's Kelly's birthday, don't forget!

So how's the new place with Alan? Have you got it all fixed up yet? Get those boxes out of the house!!! now! Un pack them already! Get organized.

Did you get a bunch of shit for Christmas that you won't use??? Hey just be grateful that there are people who thought of you, you ungrateful bitch!

Are you still working at the same place? Wishing you worked somewhere else? I bet, you always do.

Have you pretended to make resolutions, to which you will never keep, or did you just not even kid yourself this year? Get off your ass, use the fitness center...

Are you still a coupon whore? I bet... Why don't you try putting the money you save into your savings?! Huh what a fucking concept! Get on that shit yo, like today. You might have a vacation one day.

Ok, quit being so hard on yourself... it's tough love and you know you love you... whoa that's not confusing.

Do something nice for yourself today. And for him.

xoxoxo

And there you have it you. Go ahead write yourself a letter, you know you want to... What would you tell yourself a year from now?

# 24

Dear 2009,

Thanks for being a pretty awesome year. I wasted a majority of you on the Internets and I vow not to treat 2010 with such disrespect. You gave me lots of laughs and gas. You taught me that it is ok to love and be loved. You helped me discover that I rather enjoy cussing and cooking. You showed me how to get out of my comfort zone and how to get more than my big toe wet. You opened my eyes to the beauty of waking up before dawn. You broadened my horizons and opened my legs. You made my family grow. You showed me how to be ok with myself and taught me that it's ok to take 3 shits a day. You also taught me that life is precious and I may as well enjoy being in debt. For all these things and more I thank you and send you away with warm thoughts and welcome 2010 with open arms.

Farewell my dear friend,

RBabe

PS Bloody Poop is not funny.

PPS Tell 2010 that Jenny does not want anymore bloody poop.

#19

It's that time again! Fuckin Funny Shit Friday.
I haven't been nearly offensive or inappropriate enough this week. So Enjoy.


Hey the cute little stick girl with a lop-sided rack read my mind... Fuck Yea!











... Wait those IS Goats?!










This is why I stopped selling Mary Kay...


Not only are the matching outfits over the top, wait wait, do their earrings match too? For the love of Allah... I mean isn't enough that they all have the same hairdresser. Miss "T" looks like she might have shit herself; she's worried because now their getup's don't match. Miss "G" is gonna get it when Miss OCD "I" sees that her G is not straight and her right arm is in the shot. COME ON Miss G, get it together! Oh right, she's a G, she can do that. I'm not even gonna touch the 50 year old Brittney Spears. Not. Gonna. Do. It.



Well kiddos, I figured I'd spare us all another holiday post (don't hold your breathe, I feel a # 19.5 comin on) Enjoy your day, do what want, wear what you want and act like no one's looking.
That is how we become famous on the Internet...

# 18.5

Ok, so work is slow... sue me for finding awesome shit.

Super Cute Printable Gift Labels from the Black Apple:

I plan on cutting them out, putting them on card stock, punching a hole in said card stock and tying them up with ribbon/raffia/yarn after i hap-hazardly and a bit obsessively wrap it around and around each perfectly wrapped gift. can't wait.

Absolutely Adorable Recycled Homemade Gift Bows from How About Orange:

Just the most perfect DIY project to get me excited about wrapping. I've torn down my calendar at work and already made 2! You could use old magazines, catalogs, sheet music, old books, junk mail, etc. The possibilities are endless! Knock yourself out.

If you're a gift card givin' kind of gal like me; add a special touch and use this Gift Card Holder Pattern from Heather:

Most of all enjoy and feel free to share awesome shit with me :)