# 24

Dear 2009,

Thanks for being a pretty awesome year. I wasted a majority of you on the Internets and I vow not to treat 2010 with such disrespect. You gave me lots of laughs and gas. You taught me that it is ok to love and be loved. You helped me discover that I rather enjoy cussing and cooking. You showed me how to get out of my comfort zone and how to get more than my big toe wet. You opened my eyes to the beauty of waking up before dawn. You broadened my horizons and opened my legs. You made my family grow. You showed me how to be ok with myself and taught me that it's ok to take 3 shits a day. You also taught me that life is precious and I may as well enjoy being in debt. For all these things and more I thank you and send you away with warm thoughts and welcome 2010 with open arms.

Farewell my dear friend,

RBabe

PS Bloody Poop is not funny.

PPS Tell 2010 that Jenny does not want anymore bloody poop.

# 23

Twenty Ten.

It seems weird, and makes me feel fucking old, that just 10 ten years ago people were all freaked the hell out about Y2k. I remember my parents wouldn't let me leave their side. Makes me think of just how lame that would've been... Mass chaos and I'd be stuck.

It's funny how my brain works. I can remember the lameness of ringing in 2009, and thinking, god I hope I'm not do this all year. I can vaguely remember 2008; house party, board games... yawn, or was that 2007. See. And I can remember being 16 ten years ago about to have a nicotine fit and jonesin for a fix. The years between are kinda lost. I'm pretty sure I was passed out on some one's bathroom floor before the clock stuck 10. That was my life, then.
My life is totally different today, you* might say I've done a 360. As the new year approaches I know we all can't help but reflect on the past and look to the future full of hope and empty promises to ourselves. We remember the resolutions we had last year and the year before and the year before because they're all the same and they never get resolved.

Last year my resolution was not to have any resolutions. It worked.

In order not to be a lazy bum I am going to set some goals for myself. Sure, there's the weight thing and the saving money thing and the be more organized thing but I have some more creative ventures on my mind. I need a little personal growth this year and I'm not talking about my ass.

What are your (anti)resolutions?
Oh hey, there's a new poll up too! Don't forget how important it is to vote...

*by you I mean an idiot. A 360? *shakes head*

# 22.5

So Christmas was great and I'm not gonna be all retarded like and spout off all the cool shit I got. Unless you want me to. My Aunt gave me a gift card to Bath & Body Works so I went there on my lunch break.

First I have to say after Christmas sales rock my mother fucking socks. I got 4 of those awesome hand soaps for $10.01. That should last me a while.

Second, Jasmine Vanilla Aromatherapy scented crap makes my panties wet. Drip. For real. I think I will go to Bath & Body Works everyday on my lunch break and use their yummy lotion and body spray. My hands smell so amazing that I didn't want to wash them after I pottied. Really. Fuck it if I peed all over them, they smell fucking great. I did however pretend to wash them, I ran the water, picked at this stupid fucking zit and turned the water off. Now I have puss and piss on my hand, but they smell fucking fantastic. To bad they don't make jasmine vanilla antibacterial gel stuff. Would it gross you out less if I just used that stuff?

If you would like to send above mentioned products I can give you my address. Or you could just go smell them yourself and not wash your hands.

# 22

The people have spoken, well 4 people have a voice...

What's on your wish list:

• 75% Wished for a new job. How's that workin out for ya? Did ya put any action into it? Hey maybe you'll get laid off or fired for blogging around all day at work... We can only hope.


• 25% Wanted cold hard cash. For some reason I expected you assholes to be a little more greedy.


• 25% Wished for a sugar daddy... ummm really?


• 25% Wanted some handmade goodies. And I totally can't blame you, that's why I made bath salts and sweets.


• 25% Are defiantly living in a fantasy land... World Peace?? Really. How about we just opt out for better economic times... uh that's not unrealistic.

And there you have it.
Don't forget to let your voice be heard,
be American,
Vote.

Can I just say that I am so glad this Christmas is over. I had a wonderful time with family and meeting the guy's fam too. We got lots of cool shit and some much needed gift cards.

Here's to making it to pay day.

# 21

Christmas Eve Eve. Thank god I didn't have any money this year and was done shopping 2 weeks ago. I'm usually one of those crazy bitches running around buying more useless crap for people I only see once a year. Then I'm disappointed when my well thought out, well planned gift, obviously bought from Walgreens and quite possibly torn from a five year old's hands doesn't produce the tears of joy I was expecting.

Christmas used to be fun and I know what happened. First I found out Santa was a big fat lie. Then my greedy ass pretended to believe until I was 11 or 12 so I'd get more presents. Then my parents divorced, score two Christmas'! Wrong, my dad remarried to some gold diggin white trash bar whore and her kids got TV's & CD players. When ended up with fucking mini skirts and coloring books from Family Dollar. No more badass stockings from my mom... Then I moved out on my own and had bills.

Christmas is like sex. I used to shave, shower, brush my teeth, floss and put on clean panties... Now I roll over with morning breath, matted hair and a giant bush.

Okay, not really, but maybe you get the point.

# 20

I suck at Christmas. We opened our stockings on Friday. "Christmas is only a week away". We're good at justifying things. One of the only things I did right this year was send out cards and give my family my new address. I didn't tell them I am living with my boyfriend, and we got a new place. I'm a sinner; they probably assume that's the case. My family is so judgemental; they give Christians a bad name. That's all I'm gonna say about Jesus fearing folks.



My car was iced over this morning; it's fucking Texas for fucks sake. My heater is busted and I chose to have Christmas and pay bills rather than fix it. Thank god for seat warmers. Still, it doesn't change the fact that I freeze my vagina off every morning. It's not enough that I couldn't find my scarf and forgot my gloves, but my car feels it's completely necessary to beep at me when the temperature is below 40. The best part is the cute little snowflake that pops up... no fucking shit! It's COLD!


So at a certain point the defroster blowing air at Arctic temperatures doesn't work... My windshield is useless. I used an extra hoodie to wipe it down. I'm that crazy bitch flying down the road straining to see you. It stresses me out; so I light up. This requires me to roll down the window. It gets colder. I sit in traffic, smoke my cigarette, sit on which ever hand feels the most numb and decide it would be a great idea to ash in my lap. Fun. The light changes and I haul ass around some douche bag in a truck and in turn spill my delightfully hot coffee... I'm grateful for the warmth.


And I tell you all this to say that there's a lesson in everything. Sinners are gay, and gays are sinners. I'm not gay. No I don't think that's the point. The point is... I'm a sinner for living with my boyfriend, having pre-marital sex on Sunday morning instead of going to church, therefore God broke my heater and is punishing me by not giving me a raise. There I said it.

# 19.5

I finished his stocking last night. I picked up one of these little manikin guys and UNO. Oh and some slippers, which were way to big to fit inside*.

Don't mind me as I use this outlet to kill more time and make this a successfully unproductive day...

Go on, put the 'Ho' in Holiday with these nifty Holiday pick up lines that are sure to be a hit at any company Holiday party. That is assuming that your company is having a Holiday party; I mean after all they did freeze your salary, stop matching your 401k and stopped buying coffee for the office*.

• Wanna stuff my stocking?
• How about you slip down my chimney?
• I'm gonna bring joy to your world*
• I have a mistletoe belt.
• I have something for you to unwrap.
• How about some dark meat?
• Want to deck my halls?
• I see you when you're sleeping...
• Is that a candy cane in your pocket? Oh shit... that's sad.
• My vagina smells like Fabreze*

* That's what she said
* Why do I still work here?
* and by world, I mean cock.
* Yes, you're right, that has nothing to do with Christmas.

#19

It's that time again! Fuckin Funny Shit Friday.
I haven't been nearly offensive or inappropriate enough this week. So Enjoy.


Hey the cute little stick girl with a lop-sided rack read my mind... Fuck Yea!











... Wait those IS Goats?!










This is why I stopped selling Mary Kay...


Not only are the matching outfits over the top, wait wait, do their earrings match too? For the love of Allah... I mean isn't enough that they all have the same hairdresser. Miss "T" looks like she might have shit herself; she's worried because now their getup's don't match. Miss "G" is gonna get it when Miss OCD "I" sees that her G is not straight and her right arm is in the shot. COME ON Miss G, get it together! Oh right, she's a G, she can do that. I'm not even gonna touch the 50 year old Brittney Spears. Not. Gonna. Do. It.



Well kiddos, I figured I'd spare us all another holiday post (don't hold your breathe, I feel a # 19.5 comin on) Enjoy your day, do what want, wear what you want and act like no one's looking.
That is how we become famous on the Internet...

# 18.5

Ok, so work is slow... sue me for finding awesome shit.

Super Cute Printable Gift Labels from the Black Apple:

I plan on cutting them out, putting them on card stock, punching a hole in said card stock and tying them up with ribbon/raffia/yarn after i hap-hazardly and a bit obsessively wrap it around and around each perfectly wrapped gift. can't wait.

Absolutely Adorable Recycled Homemade Gift Bows from How About Orange:

Just the most perfect DIY project to get me excited about wrapping. I've torn down my calendar at work and already made 2! You could use old magazines, catalogs, sheet music, old books, junk mail, etc. The possibilities are endless! Knock yourself out.

If you're a gift card givin' kind of gal like me; add a special touch and use this Gift Card Holder Pattern from Heather:

Most of all enjoy and feel free to share awesome shit with me :)

# 18

My most absolute favorite part about Christmas are stockings! I like filling them, but I also like getting all those cute little things too. This year I'm having a tough time filling my guy's. So far I've got gloves, socks, a sticker, candy and soap. I've got a book on the way from Amazon, I hope it makes it in time.

Now he's not terribly hard to buy for but I'm having a hard time finding inexpensive small items. He's into fishing, painting and computers. So I was thinking fish hooks, but I don't know what kind. Possibly some paints or brushes. As far as computers are concerned, I better not touch that with a ten foot pole.

So I'm turning to you my dear devoted followers... What are some good stocking stuffers for guys? Any ideas are welcomed. Please for the love of... I'm not to proud to beg. Oh and don't forget to stop on over to your right and vote! Go crazy, I dare ya.

# 17

I'm getting super excited about Christmas and super excited about giving!

What to get the Healthy Green Eco-Friendly Nut:

Organic coffee or tea. I love Starbucks and will find any reason to stop by for a latte, oh yea, and a pound of Organic Yukon Blend for my Nut. They also have Organic Chai Tea Concentrate for the non-coffee drinker.

Reusable Produce Bags from Flip & Tumble and while you're picking up a few for them head over to Real Moms Real Views and enter to win an EcoBag Kit just for you!

Or how about this

lovely little recycled Watermelon Coin Purse found at LaAlicia on Etsy.

Happy Shopping!

# 16

I'm pretending to start another diet. I say pretend because it's just some random shit I decided to do. I'm limiting my carb in-take. Nothing super crazy; I would die if I couldn't have more than 20 carbs. The funny thing is I'm not even sure how many I'm having, or what I used to have. I'm really just eliminating my bread, rice, pasta, sweets, etc... You know all that great yummy shit that I over dose on daily.

I weighed myself yesterday. As most of my loyal readers know, I just moved, but now the scale is not hiding in the closet. Stupid scale. So I stepped on it the other day, and just about fell over... it was too close to the wall. More importantly I'm fat.

I did a pseudo Weight Watchers thingy last year and lost 40 pounds, but it looks like I've put 20 of that back on. What a bummer! I knew it, I could tell... I'm slowly growing out of my pants and having to pull out those fat pants. I've been having to get different size clothes and have been in so much denial... "This brands sizes run funny" C'mon ladies we all know that one.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I would like it to stick and see if I can shed a few pounds. Shedding a few pounds always gets me motivated to exercise. I know working out yields even better results, but I don't want to be in fear of busting the elliptical trainer for exceeding the weight limit.

Right now (it's been a whole day & a half) I'm hooked on low carb tortillas. Ham & cheese, sausage & eggs, hell I even made a pork & feta quesadilla last night. What are some of your favorite low carb foods, recipes or anything really?? I need ideas so this ship doesn't sink so fast.

# 15

The polls are in, your voices have been heard... all 5 of you!

Your favorite thing about the holidays are:

1. No Work (Sounds like my kind of people)
2. Gifts (Giving or getting?... we'll never know)
3. Seeing Family, Shopping/Sales & it looks like we have a Grinch lurking around these parts...

Keep your eyes peeled for another poll coming soon, I know you're bursting at the seams with anticipation...

# 14

I've had way too much time off from work lately... that doesn't make sense, I know. Who doesn't love time off. Anyhow, we got all moved into our new place this past weekend. We had to wade through the boxes for a couple of days, but we've finally made some progress.

Now comes the fun part, Decorating! I have such a mix of things and I'm not quite sure where to begin. Actually, we did start. Our kitchen has been decorated with some vintagesque loveliness. I just got these awesome canisters in the mail yesterday and was more than delighted to add it to the collection of non-matching decor. We have some tin signs and vintage salt and pepper shakers to throw to the mix. The kitchen has got to be my favorite room to decorate.

The guy and I have decided, since we're both artists, we shall have a wall dedicated to our art... How classy. Not only are we talented creatures, but most of our friends are as well. We've already started pestering them for contributions. *hint hint*

So there it is folks, maybe once this wall is complete I'll post some pictures. Until then I figured I'd avoid another holiday post.

♥
peace

# 13

Vote! Over there, yes, look to your right... Ok now click one, or two or three... or or or just do it.


Ahh the Holidays! Gotta love 'em right. My favorite thing is the no work thing and the shopping. Who doesn't enjoy a few extra days off work, unless you're a Capricorn... or Virgo for that matter... that's for another time. Mix in some vacation time and I practically have the whole month of December off. Score!


And shopping, yes my favorite past time. Is that a past time? Who cares it's fun. The biggest problem I have, besides not having enough money, is passing up all those things I want. So selfish, I know. But I do manage to buy things for others too darnit. One for you, one for me, one for you, three for me, one for you, ooo does that come in pink too?


Another thing I noticed is a crap load of blog giveaways. Maybe it's the holiday season, maybe I've just never noticed them before. Either way, I want to do a giveaway... Ready? Wait for it...

To Enter:

• Leave a comment, tell me what your favorite thing about the holidays is or un-favorite thing.


• Follow my blog.


• Give me a hug.


• Let me win your giveaway.


• Point me in the direction of a badass freebie.


• Bribe me with chocolate...
  

There's plenty was to enter folks, so get on that... Oh you want to know what I'm giving away do you? It's the most awesome thing anyone could ever give or get. It's truly priceless...





It's my undying love and affection.

Cheers.