# 35

Life. What's the meaning of life. That's not really a question... I don't think. Is it to merely exist or survive? Or is it more? What is the purpose of your life? How did you get here? Why are you here? Boy, I'm full of questions today. I may have a few answers. Yes you lucky eight people who follow me will find out the meaning of life.

I know I exist for one reason. Selfishness. About 26 years ago, two people felt the need to feel extreme euphoria, then the condom broke. So here I sit, having to deal with the fact that my parents at some point had sex. I try to figure out why I am the way I am. Why I have to deal with the consequences of how two people decided I should be raised.

So back to meaning. There's a theory that this supreme being put us here and allowed us to multiply because we're weak and feel loneliness. "I'm lonely... I think I'll stick my dick in her" And so the madness began.

I was watching something, maybe the World's Most Amazing Events or some retardly uninteresting educational show, that goes against everything I was taught. The "amazing events" really got me thinking. There's a purpose for damn near every animal on this planet. Mostly, they serve to feed one another. But some, like Hippos help to irrigate the land. So then what is the purpose of land? Do you see how this gets confusing? Well the land feeds the herbivores and the herbivores feed the carnivores, in some instances the carnivores feed each other. Some are cannibals. So basically every animals purpose is to eat.

So you may ask yourself 2 things: 1. where am I going with all this elementary nonsense and 2. what does this have to do with me. Well, first I'm just trying to show you how smart I am. I can converse with a 6 year old. I know, it's pretty amazing. Second, nothing. Nothing really.

I guess what I don't get is how scientists and biologists and other-ists can stalk animals and figure out their purpose. But when I have a stalker I call the police. Oops, maybe that was a scientist trying to figure out the meaning of my life.

I know the purpose of my life is to be happy. Which still goes back to selfishness. But most people find happiness in material things or other people. Happiness is something I believe is a choice. So if I can choose to be happy and then I don't need you, or food or a car or cute clothes.

Crap. Before I could tell you my theory about life, I just proved it wrong. Right there in those last few sentences. Now I'm even more confused. I'll have to get back to you on the meaning of life.

# 28

Funny Fucking Shit Friday...

If you've seen my blog, or read it you know tact and class are words even super trailer park white trash would not use to describe me... So if you're offended easily... wait, what the hell are you doing here. Go find some Jesus blog to read.

Without further... erm adoouu... uh edeww... you get it, right... Here's some Funny (Fucked Up) Fucking Shit.








Ok, really. Breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. So many things wrong with this picture. Not only does it look like my BFF but really? It's like from the 80's and how did it get on the internet now? I know if I was her I'd be pissed. Unless this is some sweet ass party trick and she posted this shit. Then amen sister, you are my new hero... no over here, hey I'm over here...

I just love these little guys. I mean they're so cute and mean and perverted and raunchy and just great... *resists urge to post 18 Cyanide & Happiness comics*

Now here's some parenting I can get with...

Hope you have a wonderful fucking Friday...

# 24

Dear 2009,

Thanks for being a pretty awesome year. I wasted a majority of you on the Internets and I vow not to treat 2010 with such disrespect. You gave me lots of laughs and gas. You taught me that it is ok to love and be loved. You helped me discover that I rather enjoy cussing and cooking. You showed me how to get out of my comfort zone and how to get more than my big toe wet. You opened my eyes to the beauty of waking up before dawn. You broadened my horizons and opened my legs. You made my family grow. You showed me how to be ok with myself and taught me that it's ok to take 3 shits a day. You also taught me that life is precious and I may as well enjoy being in debt. For all these things and more I thank you and send you away with warm thoughts and welcome 2010 with open arms.

Farewell my dear friend,

RBabe

PS Bloody Poop is not funny.

PPS Tell 2010 that Jenny does not want anymore bloody poop.

# 8

Oops. I forget I have a blog sometimes. I know all my devoted followers check obsessively for new posts each day, sorry to disappoint.

The day after hump day always leaves me feeling a little worn out, relieved and excited.

I'm worn out from the lack of sleep I've gotten this week. I've laid awake almost night while my mind whores around. From this weekend until the end of the year my calendar is completely full. I don't think I could cram one more thing in if I had too... that sounds dirty, I like it.

I'm relieved that it's almost the weekend. I've been helping plan this Halloween party and I can't wait for it to be over with. Just a few more days. I have in fact changed costume ideas, for the 3rd time, and as of this moment it's up in the air.

I'm mostly excited today; payday is tomorrow and I need groceries. It's sad how excited I get to grocery shop, but when you're fucking Kroger on the regular how could you not be excited.

So there you go, another meaningless post about random shit that doesn't make a difference and only serves to help me pass time.

# 7

Fuckin Funny Shit Friday:

Talk to God

I realize this may offend some people, but then again I don't really care. My sense of humor really knows no bounds. I am in no shape or form religious. I do believe in something higher, just not any God that this world deems acceptable. I guess I should take my own advice when it comes to appropriate work conversation (no politics, religion, etc) and apply that to my blog... but where's the fun in that.

So my conversation with iGod went a little something like...

Me: for real
God:Existing in reality, eh?
Me: fo sho
God:That
remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Gay sex with Jesus.

That God-guy is a funny mother fucker...

# 2

My new obsession. Maybe that's what I should have titled this blog. Anytime I have a new obsession, I start a new blog. I make a few random or in most cases, obsessive posts, and move right along to the next.

Anyhow, I got a blender the other day, therefore I am obsessed with it.

My first stab at smoothies was a complete failure. Too thick and chunky and it wouldn't blend properly. Feeling like a complete failure I turned to the Internets. I looked up a couple recipes yesterday and proceeded.

Have you noticed on those recipe websites how there's a recipe, then 18 comments of how they altered it. Wow that's a new recipe; write your own. So instead of telling you how I altered it, I'll just tell you what I did, then you can comment about your substitutes. Either way, I can't wait until my lunch break to obsessively buy frozen fruit.

I have no witty name - smoothie:

3/4 cups of 2% milk
1/4 cup non fat vanilla yogurt
1/2 cup rolled oats (yes you read that right.)
1 banana (I prefer frozen and peeled)
6 - 10 frozen whole strawberries
1/3 cup of frozen blueberries
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 sweet n low (or 1-1/2 teaspoons of sugar, or omit completely)

First, I used my nifty little chopper thingy to pulverize the oats. Next, I dumped everything in the blender and pushed the button. Nothing happened. I forgot to plug it in. If you are going to use a blender, you should plug it in, and I recommend using the nifty little lid that goes with it. If you are having trouble with the blender, tossing it across the kitchen will not solve anything. Try adding more milk if the mixture is too thick and refuses to blend perfectly. Also cussing and screaming on top of blending, only pisses off the neighbors.

The thing I love most about this smoothie, is that the banana didn't over power it. It was also pretty sweet, and I've never even entertained the idea of adding oatmeal, much less vanilla to a smoothie.

Until next time,
Happy Blending.